I was waiting in the room browsing channels. Times Now was
telecasting the weather report. It said 20 degree Celsius in Mumbai but then
why was I sweating? My name was called. My heart began to pump faster and
silently I entered the cabin.
The doctor asked me to feel comfortable. He
came to me and sat on the table. He gave me a glass of water.
“Relax Rajan”, he
told me. I gulped the water. I was feeling better. He took a deep breath.
“Rajan”, he paused for a second, “It is positive.”I almost broke down and I
could not hold my tears. “Why is it me? I was never involved in any of the
libidinous activities throughout my life. I always thought it is a sin to do
such things before marriage. Then how can I be positive?” The doctor consoled
me for an hour or so. After coming out of the hospital, I went to my home. I
could not hold anyone’s sympathy, so I went straight to my room.
I closed my eyes, and I found me in an edifice on fire. The
building imitated like my home. Flames were hitting my face. I had almost left
the hope; but then I could see a white light coming to me. But it vanished and
again everything became as it was. I opened my eyes and was so terrified as if
I was on a gunpoint. I held my breath and tried to relax. “What was that” I
asked to myself. “What was the white light and where did it go?” I went to the
doctor the next day and told him about the dream. He told me to relax. It was
just a mental imbalance because of the shock. But I did not feel the same way.
I thought that it was God.
I thought that I will find out where is God and I will ask
him; why me? But how do I find God? I thought for some time. I was really
irritated. I saw a gentleman in a suit. I went to him and asked him a question.
“Do you know where can I find God? I want to meet him.” The gentleman looked at
me and started laughing. “God does not exist. You better go to the court if you
want to complain.” he went away. I was not satisfied. I went to the temple. I
asked priest the same question, “Do you know where I can find God? I want to
meet him.” The priest said that he is there inside. I went inside. This was the
first time in my life that I was entering the temple. There was a small
sculpture in there. I thought this is god and I bent on my knees and bombarded
him with questions. Why me? After some time I stopped. There was no reply from
god. I got up, turned and went after looking harshly at the priest. I was
walking along the road and saw a blind and paralysed man begging on one corner.
I stopped there. I went to him and asked him the same question. “Do you know
where can I find God? I want to meet him.” He said, “Sir, I do not know where god
is, but he is there near you when you need him the most. You just need to know
when you need him.” I stood up thought for a moment and then walked further
wondering.
I
went to the beach. I was walking on the sand and the beggar’s words were
pinching my head. I thought that do I really need God? Is he there? Will he
help me? I was just pondering when I saw a strange scene; a small puppy was about
to be attacked by the stray dogs. The puppy was feeling timid and was crying from
its heart. I thought that I should go and save him. Suddenly a cat entered the
scene and jumped like an outraged tiger. It roared and that was the first time
I saw a cat in such a mood. When one of the dogs tried to attack, the cat gave
a hit and the dog was on its face. The stray dogs vanished within seconds. The
cat became silent and then came close to the puppy and then caressed it with
its tail. This was the scene that hit my mind and gave me the answer to my
question. I collected all the scenes and tried to link them.
·
God does not exist, only the court does.
·
Can a sculpture really talk?
·
God is there with you when you need him.
·
God does not come to you. He will send someone. God
is always around you, with you.
I retained a devotional
quote that when you do not have a solution to your problem, just close your
eyes and God will come to you for help. I closed my eyes. I could not see
anything. It was all murky. I felt my problem that I was positive. After a
while I saw the white light again. It came to me this time. It was a lady. She
came and hugged me.
It was my mother. She was the one who was
always there for me when I was in a trouble. She always talked to me and
consoled me not like a sculpture but like a helping hand. I felt that day that
she was my god. I went to my home straight and hugged my mom. It felt like all
my trouble was gone. She kissed me on my forehead. I then knew “God could not
be everywhere so he created mothers.” I cried.